


if you would, please fall in love with me

by scorpiusismypatronus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 'i got in a fight w/ keanu reeves' me too buddy, Anxiety Disorder, Boys Kissing, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, If you only read one work by me, Kissing, Kleinsen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, Pining, Post-Canon, Self-Harm, Stuttering, Suicide Attempt, but idk when bc im too lazy to figure it out, but theyre also assholes, evan and jared are jEWISH, evan is a Pure Boy, id die for them, im actually really proud of this?, jared is, plEASE READ THIS IM PROUD OF IT, takes place after canon, theyre BOYFRIENDS AND I LOVE THEM, theyre family friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 03:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13181193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiusismypatronus/pseuds/scorpiusismypatronus
Summary: Alternatively, two domestic assholes cuddling and being cute and maybe possibly kissing a little bit





	if you would, please fall in love with me

**Author's Note:**

> tw: mentions of self harm, suicide attempts, and eating disorders

 

Jared groaned and rested his head against Evan’s shoulder. “Goddamnit, Hansen, stop beating my ass in Mario Kart!”

“Not my fault I’m better at t-this than you,” Evan grinned back. His teeth were bright white and a little bit crooked — Evan’s insurance didn’t cover enough for him to get braces as a teen, and Evan decided at twelve that it was okay. Having enough money to pay the bills was more important than a couple crooked teeth.

Jared accepted the insult. Honestly, it was the fault of his easily distracted mind and Evan Hansen’s, well, _everything_. God damn him if he could keep a straight face (pun intended) around the boy for much longer.

“Thanks for letting me come over,” he said, quieter, his voice deep in a way that was both awkward and meant for only Evan to hear in some odd way.

“Of course,” said Evan. “I’m n-not gonna make you stay someplace t-that hurts you.”

This boy would give up his life for someone who was hurting. Jared was sure of it.

He wished he could in any way measure up to that. For God’s sake he couldn’t even hold a conversation for five minutes without hurting the other person. And here was this boy who shone like the sun, even on his darkest days.

“Thanks,” he said instead, and then realized he’d already said that. “Or you’re welcome? Or — um — I don’t know.”

Evan smirked, brushing hair out of his eyes. “And you think I have a stutter.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that, you dick!” He was joking, of course. He always was. If he wasn’t joking around, he was probably sleeping, and even then he probably told jokes in his dreams.

He sipped his Mountain Dew (he was RECOVERING! Yay therapy!) and smiled at Evan, who was stuttering his way to a response.

Why was he in love with this stupidly adorable boy with his stupid silky hair and his stupid trees and his stupid entirely-blue wardrobe and his stupid hands with his stupid prominent knuckles and his stupid blue eyes and his stupid soft lips and — shit, had Evan said something?

“Sorry?”

“I said, d’you wanna play another round or get r-ready for bed?”

Ready for bed _in which way?_ “My hand-eye coordination flies out the window at midnight. Let’s go to sleep.” He wracked his brain, trying to remember which pair of pajamas he’d packed.

“Okay. I’ll let you use the bathroom down here t-to cha—“

“sHIT I FORGOT MY PAJAMAS,” blurted Jared. He apologized much quieter, with a blush tinting his cheeks. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I can lend you some of mine?” Evan looked the other boy over in a way he knew shouldn’t make him feel the way it did. “If t-they fit.”

_Oh. That’s why. Of course._ “Thanks, man.”

“No problem. I’ll run upstairs and see what I have.”

“M’kay.” Jared lounged on the couch, throwing himself over the Star Wars blanket as he listened to Evan’s footsteps pounding on the stairs. The boy — man, in three months — had changed so much in the past year. From being scared to make a sound — from believing he never would — to the Evan that Jared knew now.

And he was still stupidly, desperately in love with him.

Evan ran down the stairs two at a time (there were fourteen steps and seven audible steps).

“I got some,” he said, surprisingly not out of breath. The pajama pants were red flannels — _so Evan’s wardrobe wasn’t_ all _blue?_ — and the shirt was just a plain black tee that was softer than it looked.

“Thanks,” said Jared, smiling. Evan’s pajamas consisted of the same flannel pants but in blue, and a large blue tee that he was swimming in.

“My Hannukah clothes,” Evan cracked. It took him a second. 

“Is this your way of saying “I’m Jewish” to everyone you meet? I thought you just really liked blue.”

“Both are accurate. Now go get ready for bed, loser.”

“Fine, lameass.” Jared grinned at Evan over his shoulder and the other boy smiled back, looking like some kind of angel, standing in front of the TV, the white-blue light giving hi an otherworldly glow.

Jared tore his eyes away from the other boy — it was almost painful — and stepped into the bathroom. 

He pulled off his badly-dressed-homophobic-college-frat-boy disguise (tan cargo pants, grey graphic tee, purple short sleeved button up) and stared in the mirror for a second.

He wasn’t going to focus on his body. He was going to eat healthy and sleep healthy and try to be better, try to be more alive. Try to be okay.

He pulled on the red flannels, which surprisingly fit, and attempted to pull on the shirt. It was too small, exposing his waist and stomach in a way he wasn't comfortable with.

He pulled it off and put on his purple button up again, leaving it open (was that good for sex appeal? He’d ask google later) and shoved open the door.

“The shirt didn’t fit,” he said, nearly missing the enigmatic expression that flickered across Evan’s face, “but it’s okay. I usually sleep shirtless at home, so…”

It wasn’t a lie. Granted, he also used about twelve blankets, but Evan didn’t need to know that.

The indecipherable look was back. 

And then: “where’d you get t-the scars?”

Jared sighed and catapulted his body over the side of the couch to sit by Evan. He looked down at the scars littering his sides and stomach.

“I got in a fight with Keanu Reeves?”

Evan raised one eyebrow, a feat Jared wished he could accomplish.

“Fine. They’re from seventh to eleventh grade when I was self harming.”

“I t-thought that was it,” mumbled Evan, dragging his eyes away from Jared’s stomach. “I recognize t-t-those scars.” He pushed his blue shirt off of his right shoulder to show scars similar to Jared’s. “Eighth grade to t-three months ago.”

“I keep trying to tell you you’re stronger than you think,” said Jared, half admirably, half as though this was an evident fact that Evan was too blind to see.

“T-thanks,” Evan mumbled. Then, stronger, “thank you.”

Jared pressed his lips together, wishing he could bounce his legs without appearing weird. God, he wanted to kiss this boy so badly.

“Um—“ he said, looking for anything to break the tension. “We should brush—brush our teeth.”

“But my t-toothbrush is all the way upstairs,” groaned Evan.

“I’ll carry you up there,” Jared grumbled, trying to sound angry, before he realized he just agreed to extended physical contact with someone he was in love with.

“Piggyback?” Asked Evan, thankfully oblivious to the cartwheels in Jared’s chest.

“Yeah, gimme a sec.” Jared did up a few of his shirt buttons before standing up. “If you strangle me to death I will kill you.”

“Kinky,” Evan mumbled into his hair.

“GODDAMNIT, EVAN!” 

The weight of Evan’s body was pressing into his back and shoulders nicely and he ignored the lascivious thoughts that raced through his mind — he was _not_ going to think about that. Nope.

He shifted Evan slightly, gripping his thighs and muttering, “move your _hands_ , Hansen, I swear to god.”

Evan did, and he felt a little less strangled. Adjusting his arms one last time, he bolted up the stairs with Evan on his back, unrestrained laughter coming from the both of them. Heidi, sitting at the kitchen table filling out forms of some sort with a blue ballpoint pen, smiled at the two of them. Jared put Evan down, blushing.

“Hey mom,” said Evan, still smiling broadly. Jared wished he would smile like that for the rest of his life.

“Hey, honey. You and Jared better get to sleep soon.”

“Yes, Ms Hansen,” Jared mumbled, a little ashamed that he wasn’t taking care of her son.

“Fine, mom,” said Evan.

The two boys rushed into the bathroom to brush their teeth, Jared sitting on the countertop, Evan on the edge of the bathtub. Jared swung his feet with the intention of hitting Evan, who was just a bit too far away and made a face at him.

When they had finished brushing, Evan skidded into the kitchen and poured himself a drink of water. Jared watched him, smiling, as Heidi stood up and moved next to him.

“You’re good for him, you know,” she murmured softly.

“Thanks,” he said just as quietly. Evan slid to a stop on socked feet, splashing water on Jared in the process.

“I take it back. Ms Hansen, your son is an ass.”

“I know,” said Heidi, grinning. Evan put on a fake-offended face. “Hey!”

“Go to sleep, boys,” said his mom. "It's late.”

“Okay,” said Jared. “Evan, I’m carrying you downstairs.”

Evan hopped onto his back, and Jared winced at the sudden addition of weight onto his back. He adjusted his arms and grinned at Heidi. “Good night!”

“Night, Jared, Evan. Please don’t drop my son.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Jared grinned as he sprinted down the stairs, eliciting a loud laugh from Evan, who gripped his shoulders tightly.

When Jared hit the bottom of the staircase, Evan hopped down and jumped onto the couch, the old furniture creaking, and patted the space next to him.

Jared sat down by him, one leg up on the couch and one hanging off. Evan pulled chapstick out of his pocket and smeared it on his lips, an act Jared was all too willing to watch.

Evan tossed it at him after he was done. “Moisturize yourself.”

Jared snorted.

Evan stuttered for a couple seconds before he said, “just put the chapstick on, dude, I’m t-trying my best.”

“I can’t believe you said ‘moisturize yourself’ to me,” Jared said instead. Having his lips touch something that Evan’s had been on just seconds before was appealing, but…

“I swear t-to god I will pin you down and make you.” 

The words should _not_ have affected him in the way they did. And yet here he was, feeling _exceedingly_ affected.

“Yeah? Try me.” Was it a dick move? Probably, yes. Was he curious as to whether or not Evan would pin him down? Definitely yes.

Two seconds later, Evan Hansen was on top of him with one leg pinning both of his down and one arm holding his jaw steady, the other applying chapstick to his lips.

He’d wanted to kiss Evan many times since the crush began developing, but _this_ was new. Maybe it had to do with the fact that they were older, or that Jared was half shirtless, or that Evan was straddling him in the dark basement of his house in the middle of the night, but this longing exceeded anything he’d felt before.

Evan just grinned at him and extracted himself from Jared’s lap, not knowing the other boy’s internal dilemma.

“My mom’s right, though. We need t-to sleep.”

Jared sighed, peeling himself off the couch to grab his sleeping bag from his backpack.

Evan grabbed his wrist to stop him and Jared tilted his head, confused. “You’re staying up here. I’m not letting you sleep on t-the floor.”

“But what about you?”

“I’m staying here t-too, dumbass,” Evan said, but the insult lacked any real forcefulness.

“Good,” Jared mumbled. Evan sat up and pulled him until he sat on the other end of the couch, to which Evan stuttered, “y-you’re—we’re cuddling.”

“Am I the big spoon or the little spoon.” Jared asked dryly.

“Little.”

Thank _god_. He shoved himself into the couch cushions and a second later felt Evan’s body envelope his own.

How did this _happen_? Was this _real_? Was he really spooning with his long-time crush on the couch in his basement?

“G’night,” Evan mumbled into his hair. His warm breath reached Jared’s neck and he shivered, immediately blushing.

The silence lasted for less than two minutes before Evan mumbled, “Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Did I… did I ever t-tell you what — what happened t-that day? When I broke my arm?”

“You fell out of a tree?” Jared asked. He shifted onto his other side, his face dangerously, wonderfully close to Evan’s.

“I didn’t…” Evan paused, taking in a ragged breath that made Jared take in one too. “I didn’t fall. I didn’t — I let go.”

He didn’t know what to say. What do you say when your best friend tells you he tried to kill himself?

“Evan, I —“

“I’m sorry t-that was p-probably t-too much I'm sorry—“ Evan rambled.

“No, no, I’m gl-I’m glad you told me.”

“I don’t want t-to burden you with s-something like t-this—“

“Evan, you aren’t ever a burden. Okay? And I'm glad you could come to me with that because let’s be real, I’m kind of an ass.”

“You act like one. But you’re not. T-there’s a difference.”

How did Evan _know_ that about him?

“You didn’t address the first part of my-of what I said.”

“Because it’s not t-true,” said Evan simply. Like that explained everything. Like he hadn’t said something completely off the wall crazy.

“That’s batshit," said Jared plainly.

“I _am_ , Jared. You have t-to have realized by now. As one of my closest — _family_ friends.”

“You, um. You do realise… Evan, you’re so much more to me than just a ‘family friend.’ I was a dick about that. I’m sorry.”

It was the closest he could ever come to the truth.

Hesitantly, as Evan tried to formulate a response, he slipped an arm around the other boy’s back, pulling him closer.

“I didn’t know you were capable of saying sorry,” Evan quipped.

Jared laughed. _When someone insults you and your heart grows warmer, you know you’re in too deep_.

“But really,” said Jared, and he was using his ‘Evan-voice’ again, the one he only used around Evan, the one he’d never even heard until last month, “I really — you’re one of the people who’s — who I feel closest to.”

Evan’s hand snaked around to capture the one that was lying between the two of them, and he laced their fingers together hesitantly. Jared tightened his grip just slightly to let him know it was alright.

He was so _close_. Every cell in his body was telling him to lean in, to bridge the gap between them, to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until nothing else mattered.

“You are too,” Evan whispered, and it took him a moment to figure out what the other boy was talking about.

He didn’t know how to respond so he stayed quiet, tracing circles with his thumb onto the back of Evan’s hand.

“I love you, Ev, you know that?”

He didn’t know where it came from or why he said it but the words were past his lips now, hanging over the two of them like a storm cloud.

“I love you too,” Evan mumbled. Jared wanted to beg him to say it again and again and again for the rest of his life. He could have died right there and been glad the last words he’d heard were Evan saying he loved him.

“No I mean I—“ this part of him would be called Impulsive Jared, and he would lock it up. Forever. Impulsive Jared was not going to ruin this night.

“-I’m _in love_ with you.”

Impulsive Jared ruined the night. Jared resigned himself to that fate the second the words had left his mouth.

Evan didn’t move or speak for an anxiously long amount of time. Before he whispered, so quietly Jared thought he’d imagined it: “Say it again. Please.”

“I’m in love with you.”

Evan’s face broke out in a smile. “I’m not… hallucinating.”

“Nope,” said Jared. “Unless I am too and that’s just fucking weird.”

“You’re right.”

“Will— will you say it too?” Jared asked, almost shyly, which wasn’t him — he didn’t have a shy bone in his body, maybe an anxious one, but not a shy one…

“I’m in love with you,” said Evan. It replaced ‘I love you’ as the best thing he’d ever heard.

“I’m in love with you too,” Jared repeated.

“Oh my god,” Evan whispered.

“I’ve been in love with you and your trees and your smile and your stutter and your stupid all-blue wardrobe for so long,” Jared said. “And your eyes? They’re perfect. Your hands? I love them. Your voice? I could listen to it forever. Evan. I love you. Goddamnit, I love you.”

“I’m in love with you too,” Evan whispered. “Your smiles and your sarcasm and your incredibly horrible fashion choices and your laughter and your stupid messy hair and — just all of you, Jared; I love you.”

“Your smile and your arms and your lips and your laugh and the way you fidget with your shirt when you’re nervous and the way you tend to use your left hand more because of the cast from last year and your stupid _fucking_ trees, Evan, I love you.”

He wanted to kiss Evan so bad. He wanted to feel every inch of the other boy pressed against him. 

He wouldn’t — couldn’t — kiss Evan. He didn’t want to force anything on to the poor anxious boy.

But as the two of them grew quieter Jared removed his hand from Evan’s back and cupped his chin, mumbling, “Is this okay?”

“Yeah. Yes. Definitely. Yes.” Evan rambled. It was endearing. 

“Can-“ it was now or never. Jared, it’s now or never and you might never get another chance — where’s Impulsive Jared when you need him — “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Evan breathed.

It was all he needed. He pressed his lips to Evan’s with such need that the other boy's hand had tangled itself in his hair in a second. His lips parted slightly and Evan’s did too and then Evan’s tongue slipped into his mouth for just a second and Jared knew this was how he would die. He felt electricity run through his body when Evan tugged at his hair and shifted just slightly, so one of his legs was on top of and linked with one of Evan’s, and all the touch felt so _good_. It was so good.

Evan, who had apparently picked up on his fondness for hair-pulling, tugged again, and Jared let out a groan into Evan’s mouth that he would never, _ever_ admit to in a million years.

Jared let the kiss break off and planted his lips on Evan’s neck, kissing down the column of his throat and pushing back his shirt to kiss his collarbone. 

“Jared,” Evan whimpered. “Jared, god, I love you.”

Jared pressed his lips to Evan’s again, heart beating out of his chest. At some point in their _activities_ , Evan had managed to get on top of Jared, and that’s where he stayed, bodies pressing together, Evan breaking the kiss to press his lips to Jared’s temple.

“I love you,” Jared breathed into his neck. “I love you, Evan, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you, you stupid idiot,” Evan whispered. Jared could hear his smile. “Now kiss me.”

Jared pressed his lips to his neck and, on an impulse, grazed his teeth against the other boy’s skin. He was rewarded with a moan that set him on fire from the inside.

“Shh,” he whispered. “Your mom is right above us.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Evan whispered. “Not like you’re any quieter.”

“I am t-mmph—!” He was broken off by Evan kissing him and tugging his hair, which of course had the affect of Jared moaning directly into Evan’s mouth, and he felt the other boy shake, and he knew right then, he could spend the rest of his life with this boy — kissing him, talking to him, being around him — and he would love every moment of it.

They spent fifteen more minutes just kissing, Evan kissing more skin due to Jared’s near-shirtless state, Jared (although again, he’d never admit it) being the louder of the two.

“G’night… babe,” Evan said. Jared smiled at the term of endearment.

“Good night, Ev.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jared fell asleep curled in the arms of the boy he loved.

He couldn’t ask for anything more.

 

The next morning found him and Evan still entangled on the couch, Evan sprawled across Jared with his head resting on Jared’s chest. The sunlight streamed in from the small windows at the top of the basement walls.

Jared glanced at the clock by the TV. 09:14. He and Evan may have stayed up later than they expected.

“Hey. Evan, hey. Wake up.”

Evan barely stirred. Jared tried again, poking at his shoulder. “Evan, get up.”

When Evan only mumbled something and shifted slightly, Jared huffed, “oh no, Ms. Hansen, it’s all fine, it’s just I may have made out with your son so much that he’s unconscious now. It’s no problem, sorry.”

“You c-complete and utter dickwad,” Evan mumbled against Jared’s skin. Jared felt a shiver run down his spine.

“Good morning,” Jared said.

“You know who’s making it g-good? Me.”

Jared smirked. “You, my man, are completely correct.”

“Let’s get dressed before my mom comes down to see us like…t-this.”

“I’d honestly rather be going the other direction when it comes to clothing, but okay.”

“I’ll change out here,” Evan said. “you t-take t-the bathroom.”

“Okay,” Jared said. He brought the change of clothes he’d packed into the bathroom (black cargo pants and a red tank top, not quite as bad as his usual choices, until paired with the orange-yellow button-up. It was absolutely hideous and he knew it) and glanced in the mirror as he dressed, blushing furiously when he notices the hickeys — _multiple_ hickeys — on his neck and chest.

He pulled on his shirt and button up, before whispering a quiet “fuck” and shoving open the bathroom door. “Evan, we have a problem.”

Evan turned. He was attempting to button his trademark blue shirt with shaky fingers. “Aw, shit,” he said, not sounding at all disappointed by the development. He crossed the room in three of the longest steps Jared had ever seen anyone take and brushed his fingers against the marks. “N-now everyone knows you’re mine.”

Jared felt his breath hitch. “Holy fuck, Evan, I’m just asking for a shirt.”

Evan laughed, the kind of laugh Jared never wanted to stop hearing. “I have a t-tank t-top t-that’ll probably hide it.”

“You think I'm brave enough to wear a tank top today? I’m honoured.”

Evan hummed under his breath. “Honestly? T-this is just an excuse to see you in a t-tank.”

“Thought so,” Jared smirked. Evan tossed the top to him after some searching in a small wardrobe in the corner that Jared hadn’t noticed. It was forest green — fitting for Evan and his tree obsession.

He pulled off his red tank and orange shirt and pulled on the green one, walking to the mirror as he did. Evan was right — it covered all the marks perfectly.

“Nicely done,” he called over his shoulder.

“I know. I’m smart t-that way.” 

Jared sauntered over to his boyfriend (??)(!!) and grinned, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I love you,” he mumbled.

“Love you too,” Evan mumbled back. “Now let’s go upstairs and eat breakfast and make sure my mom doesn’t catch onto the fact that I've got a boyfriend and I was making out with him all night.”


End file.
